Who doesn't love Christopher Walken?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Dating Women in Today's Day and Age

Time for another installment of early morning rant by yours truly/allegedly.

As a single guy I often converse with single girls, interact, socialize, even go on dates with them occasionally.  Doing this for a period of years has taught me a few things and is the reason for my dating philosophy.  I'll go through a breakdown and explain my reasoning as I go.

First and foremost men, you must know that some of us....are assholes.  Every girl you talk to will tell you a (singular because I'm an optimist) "horror story" of a past relationship and how that makes her cautious with each new suitor.  You may be on a white steed in glistening armor with a broom for a sword ready to sweep her off her feet but be warned, you are the devil in her eyes until you prove yourself different.  I'm not saying this is 100%, but it's a safe bet for about 90%.

Second, from the moment you ask her out she has you by the balls (figuratively).  It is your job to make HER happy.  Put your needs aside and replace them with your checkbook because happiness eats dollars regardless of what any woman says.  Sure they say "Oh I don't need fancy things, I'm happy just watching tv and cuddling".  Try that shit for a month or two and see how fast she dumps your ass.  It's all about her, all the time.

Third, you are most likely in competition with at least 1-2 other guys until she calls you "boyfriend".  This will cause you to try your damndest, fall behind in school/work, stop seeing your friends, etc.  It will take every ounce of strength to win this dream girl and once you do....you have to keep trying just as hard or she'll think you don't care anymore.

Fourth and final point....all of my previous points are bullshit.  Now to explain why.

In my experience, every girl has had a "horror story".  Most were exagerated/fabritated to receive sympathy and attention.  Know the difference because some are true and those chicks are unpredictable.  She'll still be cautious because she is actually afraid of getting hurt but she doesn't realize...there's only 2 ways a relationship can end: breaking up or marriage.

Women want to be pampered.  Society has hammered this into them like a necrophiliac into a dead horse.  Some require more than others but they ALL need it whether they'll admit to it or not.  Don't get me wrong, I like doing it occasionally.  Seeing a smile when they're pleased with what I've aquired for them is awesome.  However, I RARELY pay for dates anymore, at least at the beginning stages it's either dutch or it's on her.  This also rolls into my third point.

Dating, for some, is a game.  Girls are the masters of this game, pitting guys against guys to see who is the better in all categories (personality, looks, money) constantly to increase their chances of getting what they want out of it.  To make sure the one you're after isn't one of these self righteous hookers (exchanging money or goods for sexual favors), get them to pay for one of the dates to make sure they're just as invested as you are.  If you aren't leading in points, she'll most likely shoot you down faster than a plane in enemy airspace.  Cursing and namecalling will probably ensue as well.  If she's truly interested she might label you as "cheap" for a short period of time, but she's interested, she'll stick around to see what happens.

Guys need to view dating as an investment and look at it in a somewhat logical sense.  This is a market with multiple buyers all bidding on the same thing, meaning you DO in fact need to make an effort.  On the flipside, don't put more into it than you expect get out of it because it's a 50/50 chance it will either pay off or be a waste of time and money.  Relationships are an emotional and financial investment and if the other person isn't as into it as you are, someone's heart is getting broken and you'll realize that a couple hundred dollars (roughly/at least) has just been wasted.  Although if you are in fact in love, disregard everything I've just said because you abandoned logic the day you said those 3 magic words.
Allahu Akbar....Goodnight

Sunday, January 22, 2012

My Generation Sucks

 For the past couple years or so, it seems to me that our generation has slowly become less mature and more idiotic.  I think there's mercury in certain water supplies or something.  So many things have started to rub me the wrong way.  By no means am I saying these things didn't previously exist, I'm simply stating I've only recently become aware of these issues.  It seems I was ambushed by these all at once, no longer in blissful ignorance.  It is in this early hour that I've decided to air some of my pet peeves and concerns before I can allow myself to sleep.

For those of you who are out of high school and still use the defense "you're just jealous" or justify your poor decision(s') consequences by calling people "haters" on a regular non-joking basis, it is my firm belief with every fiber of my being that you should be expidited to a private island with each other and then have that island burned to the ground.  You have to understand that if you are saying either of these things because you deserved the criticism you received.  Now I'm not saying apologize for your actions if you believe you were right or some over-sensetive person was offended by something taken out of context, but be more mature than saying "oh you're just jealous I'm better/prettier/smarter/etc."  I can't think of a single instance where this has been said to me where I've made a comment out of envy.  As far as the "hater" comment goes, it's somewhat a reasonable retort although still extremely childish.  Sure people don't like you, but don't go around bragging about it making it your "claim to fame".  The old saying 'Any press is good press' doesn't apply to people the world doesn't give a shit about.

The next issue I'm going to tackle is relationships.  I can't believe how many people I'm seeing younger than me or roughly the same age who are getting married after maybe 1-2 years of being together AT MOST.  I can almost guarantee that 90% of those marriages won't last 5 years, and I'm being generous.  I can't help but see people's status updates about their significant other saying chessie, corny, and down right stupid things considering the length of the relationships.  I admit I was stupid once too and maybe people have to learn the hard way like I did in which case I'm willing to let it slide because no one will be able to change their minds.  However, people my age have been through most of the drama and stupid high shcool relationship stuff.  Those are the ones I can't stand when I see, after a month into it, the "i love you" messages and the over-affectionate to the point of being offensive, nauseating and inappropriate PDA.  Those people put more effort into lust than actually getting to know each other, and when that little sparkle in their eye goes away, when they get tired of all the affection and realize they know nothing about each other, things will get real ugly real fast.  Then they'll wonder why it fell apart and be massively depressed over something that never was.

Now on to teen pregnancy.  Seriously?  There are more accidental pregnancies now than there were in the free love era of the 60s and 70s.  There are multiple forms of birth control to our disposal, hell, planned parenthood clinics give some of them away for free.  I understand we're young and horny but is it really that hard to be careful?  This is also another cause of young marriage, something the south calls a "shotgun wedding".  I'm all for trying to make it work but so many people force it and end up miserable which also hurts the child that has to grow up in that environment.  Another side effect of this is the almost glorification of single parenthood.  People being proud to be a single parent and some actually WANT to be a single parent.  It seems there's really no such thing as family values anymore.  Growing up in a torn family isn't all it's cracked up to be, but it is better than being in an unstable and volatile environment.  In summation, guys...wrap it up or be prepared.  I'm targeting guys on this because it's somewhat off-putting to ask if a girl is on the pill and it also opens the door for those crazies who say yes but are actually trying to get knocked up simply to collect a monthly check...and the pull-out method is a risky business.

Political correctness and diminishing freedom of speech are two HUGE issues.  People saying it's wrong to say certain things and asking for public apologies.  Sure if someone says something horribly racist on national television or on the internet it's not right, but it's their right to say it and they shouldn't be forced into an apology via extortion.  There are no more African-Americans unless they themselves or immediate relatives came from Africa.  I'm only targeting this group because it's the most popular subject in this topic.  The NAACP and Black History month aren't helping the anti-racism cause either, nor are the race-specific scholarships/grants, nor the rap culture.  Recently Ricky Gervais was banned from the Golden Globe ceremony for telling jokes targeted at specific hollywood celebrities.  Certain people, the Globes, and the public demanded an apology from Gervais.  He apologized if anyone was offended but he refused to apologize for what he said.  I applaude this man and his integrity.

When all is said and done, this nation, this culture, needs some serious re-engineering.  I know I'm not the only one thinking this and hopefully someone with the ability to make at least some of the changes necessary will step up to the responsibility.  I'm sure some people will read this and will be offended as I was using people I know/am aware of as a reference, or inspiration, for this rant.  I truly hope no one is offended too much as nothing was directed at a particular individual, rather a trend I've been noticing among a particular age group.  This concludes my late night/early morning rant, hopefully now I'll be able to sleep.